


The Wreck Room

by DrMorbius



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 16:06:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17707403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrMorbius/pseuds/DrMorbius
Summary: "It is the inviolable right for every non carbon based lifeform to have a 15 minute break for every 4 hours work."An individual's failure to adhere to First Order Workplace Law will face a small fine and a weeks worth of shifts cleaning General Hux's ensuite.So droids value their break times and make the most of them!





	The Wreck Room

“What?”

“I said it’s your turn”

“I’ve just been, hey pass the bowl of salted screws over would you? Cheers”

“You haven’t thrown in yet”

“Yes I have, I threw in the 9”

“SD173 threw in the 9, oh gawd help us here we go... when was the last time you had your hard drive cleaned?”

“Can we please get on with the game?”

“Alright don't fry you mnemonic circuits KC776, we've still got 10 minutes on our 20”

“I think it was last Wednesday!”

"What was last Wednesday?"

"My last hard drive purge, but I felt sooooo much better, it's good to get rid of all that singed wiring you know!"

“Oh for droids sake, just throw in!”

Droid GZ4216 slapped a card down on the green baize table.

“Bloody hell GZ... I need a 7 not a 2 you rubbish laden greasy rust bucket!”

“Call ME a rust bucket would you? Just drag your modem over here FC663 and we'll see who's rusty....”

This card game has been going on for ages, the table’s been jolted in temper twice, loads of glasses of cheap lubricating oil drunk and still no one is up.

“What card's the donkey again?”

“WE’RE NOT PLAYING DONKEY! Oh for the love of Ren... what the hell!”

“I am seriously reporting you both to Bomber Command in a minute.”

“Well then Flash Chip, what ARE we playing?”

“Ergh yuk these bolts are rusted, hey did you hear about that Resistance ship doing a hit and run on us last week? I’ve spent days rewiring all the auxiliary ports on C deck, droid SOS’s overloaded the mainframe... now if I can get an 8 I think I’ve got a Kessel Run.”

“You’ll only get a Kessel Run with a score under 12, put your brain back to factory reset again have we?”

The card table was suddenly tipped up violently then over onto the floor! I don’t have to describe the chaos... just point you to the nearest Takodanan Robotic Bar on a Friday night after droid payday.

“HEY... WHAT’D YOU GO AND DO THAT FOR LG426?”

“I can’t help it, I've a loose bracket on the port side, it just goes into spasm sometimes, It’s a faulty linkage.” 

“Jesus guys I had a Triple Teedo just then, you bloody spoil sports!”

“WILL YOU TWO PLEASE.....” An alarm interrupted FC663, each droid jolted into action, break time was over.

 

<<<<<<<<< Several hours later >>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

“Howdy Peeps and Beeps... who’s for a game of Solo Solitaire?”

“Played that last week, boring.... Luke's Lucky 7's?”

“Better not, SD137 couldn’t get the kinks out of it’s antenna for a week!”

“Yeah I forgot, wasn’t it picking up resistance transmissions?” 

“No but it got the Ewok Shopping Channel!”

“Like peeps seriously? I want a transfer to The Trooper Entertainment dept. I've had enough”

“Why on Starkiller Base would you want to go do that for?”

“Cos you idiots are doing my NODES IN.... I had a melt down on level 648 cos I was trying to remember the rules to Cripple Mr Onion. It’s getting embarrassing!” 

An uncomfortable silence descended as small silver-black droid rolled up to the card table, pulling up a waste bin it jumped on top, head level with the surface.

“No underage droids allowed... can't you read!” Droid KC776 pointed to a note on the door.

“Beep?”

“You erd, no underage droids admitted, you're still on 30k hour run time, were all 60k + so bog off ball!”

“BEEP!”

“You cheeky sod, I’ll bloody well beep you too just see if I don't... go on... SCAT!”

“BEEP... BEEP BEEPPITY BEEP BEEP.... BEEP BEEP.”

The droid flipped them off as it exited.

“Cheeky little begger, cleaning droids show no respect these days and the language, shocking!”

“On 30k run time you showed the older droids some respect, Mr Snoke sure knew how to treat a droid right!” The other droids optical sensors rolled up to the ceiling.

“I heard a service droid ironed a hole in his gold shift dress once, I got it's left arm bracket, there weren’t many bits of it left, you know, afterwards... Bless!”

“Yeah shame about Mr Snoke, never got to meet him but boy you do hear some tales!” GZ4216 whistled.

“What’s this new chap Kylie, no wait that's wrong" 

The droid hit its head on the wall to clear its circuits. 

"Ren, he is of the darkside , not is he hmm, mess fine of it has he made hmm?" 

The droids panicked, each grabbing a limb of the poor droid in a mad scramble.

"Quick one of you get his info port extension, QUICKLY DAMN IT, if he goes into a full "Yoda Mode" then we're all screwed!" 

The others snatched about for its wire extension, shoving it hastily into a wall socket, the smell of burning plastic filled the air. 

"Oh my HTML, I thought I was a gonner there for a sec, thanks lads, I owe you all one”

Looks passed betwixt the droids, a silent decision had been made, this was their freinds third "Yoda Hack Attack" in a week, the Jawa Technicians would have to be informed, a moment of sadness passed like a fleeting shadow, leaving them with shame, and a little electrical discharge residue.

“Sooooo.... this Ren dude isnt a PATCH on Mr Snoke in my opinion, but... its early days. I heard Console Diagnostics moan about his temper, they’re always repairing stuff after he's used it.”

“Heavy handed?”

“No just accident prone, well it was my turn to get the nibbles, I hope you lot like Wasabi Washers, they're supposed to be a real delicacy.”

“Oooh get you!”

“Hey you know those cheap hanger 17 droids, the ones we picked up on Jackku a few weeks ago, well poor sods got blasted and floated off into deep space last week? Craits' gonna have a great meteor shower for a Month! I'll be hoovering up bits of stormtrooper for days. Now are we gonna play or just sit and gossip all break?”

“Sure hang on, what we playin? Wait I need some mood music...”

The sound of crashing metal, scraping against tinfoil as the droid struggled to connect the First Order Bluetooth to its internal MP3, muffled expletive then finally...

"Crap coverage, sorry I have filed a complaint!"

“Oh gawd no... nononono.... not “The Maz Canata Five” I had to beg maintenance for new audio inhibitors after last time.”

“Can I help it if you don’t appreciate good music, shut your flap!”

“That wasn’t music, it was a randomly generated series of audio waves disturbed by a unbalanced melodic apparatus. That's what THAT was, tone deaf twit” 

The droids all sat and thought about this for a moment, the clock ticked by, nibbles were... erm... nibbled.

“I've had a new paint job, think it suits me?” Slowly they all turned to look as droid SD137 glided in.

“What on Hoth! Interior Design Dept. gone colour blind or summat?”

"I think I might requisition some new Optical fibres too while I'm at it"

“Don’t you like it peeps? It’s called Raging Praetorian Russet! The maintenance stores don’t need it anymore so us higher grades are getting a paint job” 

The droid did a twirl, or tried, it needed more lubrication and its left front wheel had a tendency to pull to the left!

“You look like a giant dild....oh no!” The service alarm sounded, LG426 switched it off.

“I swear to St Silicon that if he’s burnt another cloak my hard drive's gonna crash.” 

Droid SD137 glided off towards the door, turned back to say.

“Keep my seat cold would you, don’t eat all the washers!” She glided out, gently, towards the left, a crash and apology could be heard a moment later. 

“So come on then, what’s this new chap like? Apart from being a monumental pain in the arse!”

“A medi-drone told me yesterday that he’s quite handsome and talks to himself a lot. I was in his quarters earlier just like dusting and shit... and I definitely heard him say “Sorry Rey, next time I'll knock first” then he saw me and turned Raging Praetorian Russet!”

“What does that mean, low battery warning right?”

“Means the human’s just seen something he shouldn’t’ve.” The droids all sniggered in unison.

“This new Supreme Leader doesn’t inspire a droids confidence much does he?”

“Come on now be fair the chap hasn’t got his leader legs yet, I’ve heard he's part Jedi you know!”

“CORR!”

“Yeah and he's gonna bring a set of scales to the workforce... or balance or something... I dunno anyway... I thought internal gyroscopic inertia brought balance?”

“Oh shut your oil port... come on, dish the goss KC452, what else d’you pick up?”

“Only more dirty laundry.”

“Oh stop teasing us KC spill the diodes buster!”

“He's in love!” 

Droid laughter is hard to pronounce and I sure as hell can’t spell it, so just use your imagination.< /p>

“No no listen will you, I emptied his wastepaper basket and it was full of screwed up poetry.”

“How on Hoth would you know, your connoisseur chip aint that up to date!”

“Look FC663 I know poetry when I scan it, and I tell you if I hadn’t had my emotion chip bypassed,” it dabbed it’s optical receptors with an oil rag.

“My conchip may only be grade 4, but when he compared his Rey's eyes to lamprey filled puddles my circuits fused, or they would’ve if my bypass hadn’t clicked in.”

“It’s limped pools you dunce!” said FC663, the other droids turned to stare in astonishment.

“I downloaded the wrong file once.... ALRIGHT?” 

It reached over to the rapidly emptying dish of Wasabi Washers hiding its embarrassment.

KC776 would have cleared it’s throat if it had one.... instead its speaker transmitted Kylo Ren's deep tones....

On cold slate stone you lay sleeping

gentle morning sunlight caressing 

Forgetful rest eludes me as I long to kiss you awake 

I envy the sunlight

Turn your face to mine Rey and smile with those half closed eyes 

lifted upwards

I'm shot through with blue lightsaber slash so cold

heart frozen solid

Snarling anger 

how much I crave that emotion 

Shot with a deeper wound

So different 

so beautiful 

so unexpected I warm myself against your naive heart

Turn your face to mine Rey with deep brown half closed eyes 

lifted upwards

I'd kiss you awake 

your peacefulness melts me into cold stone 

envy the sunlight

You'll never know I've been with you and will hate me for it

Must I accept that understanding of yours that I deserve nothing from you  
But your hate?

The droids sat in silent thought as a small box of First Order Strength Kleenex was handed around  
“Anyone mind if I finish these Wasabi Washers?” GZ4216 ducked as a barrage of empty oil cans were thrown in it’s direction.


End file.
